Critics and Haters

Ann Friedman apparently has a disapproval matrix showing the four types of people she might interface with as a public persona. They are:

1. friends
2. frienemies
3. critics
4. haters

You friends are your lovers (perhaps not literally, but they are those who love you) while your frienemies are akin to your ex-lovers. Pushback comes from critics and haters. There is a difference between the two and it is wise not to mistake a critic for a hater, as the critic has something legitimate to say and being dismissive of a critic may make you look bad, defensive, weak, etc. When attacked you have to take the time to try to determine if the other party is saying something legitimate. This was an insight shared by a Sally Kohn who was part of a SXSW panel I saw for a talk titled: "Breaking the Mold: How to Thrive When Allies Turn." The talk really didn't have much to do at all with fighting with one's friends, but it did touch on how to deal well with people who don't like what you have to say. Much of it really applies to people at Sally's level (CNN contributor) or a similar one, but a librarian from New York who was facing some scathing criticism from blogging enemies spoke during the time for questions at the end, seeking help, and really a lot of the lessons could just as easily apply to her too or someone else of a smaller, emerging profile. Sally also stressed the importance of building a network of friends. You'll need it when you end up with a "network" of critics and haters, so be known well in your own "community." Also on the panel, a Joanne Bamberger suggested that in attempting to keep intestinal fortitude it is important to remind yourself that the criticisms of you are not being lobbied at you because of you, but that instead those looking daggers in your direction are in fact just trying to stake out their own territories. Jehmu Greene rounded out the panel. She suggested that one should have an ethic of honesty over politeness and should be willing to point one's finger at a problem within one's own circle. This is superior to trying to defend something you can't defend or being someone who turns a blind eye. I guess her advice does tie into the title of the talk. Street cred and legitimacy do not come from being shy.